According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, “1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men are victims of domestic abuse.” Unfortunately, these are only the reported numbers. Many cases of domestic violence are never reported due to feelings of fear and embarrassment. With the COVID-19 pandemic, many states have instituted Stay-at-Home orders that come with stiff fines and potentially jail time if violated. But what happens when home is just as dangerous as the outside world?
For many abuse victims, self-isolation with their abuser will be putting them in stressful situations that can increase violence and abuse. A domestic violence lawyer states, “Prolonged domestic violence can escalate into more serious issues such as stalking, invasion of property and potential homicide”. It’s important for domestic violence victims to know they are not alone in this situation and have tools at their disposal to ensure they can stay safe in many ways. Learn more about what steps to take if you or someone you love is quarantining with their abuser.
Reduce reasons for confrontation
While you’re confined in close quarters for an undetermined amount of time, it’s important to leave the past in the past. Do not bring up previous arguments or points of disagreement. If the abuser tries to do so, do your best to change the subject or ignore them. If they become emotional, remain calm and take a “gray rock” approach. The gray rock method involves making yourself as boring and bland as possible. Do not give them any energy – good or bad. Eventually, they will get bored when they aren’t able to get a rise out of you and look for another way to entertain themselves.
Learn everything you can about COVID-19
Abusers will do anything they can to manipulate and keep the victim under their thumb – even if that means lying. Educate yourself on everything that has to do with COVID-19 from reputable sources, such as the websites for the CDC and WHO. Abusers will try to control the situation by instilling fear into their victims, such as announcing a false positive test result or threats to put them out from their safe-space in the home.
Help is still out there
If possible, remove yourself physically from the shared space if you can. That’s the best option to ensure your safety. Domestic violence hotlines and shelters for women are still operating if you are not in close proximity to your family or friends who can take you in during this time. Also, be sure to document as much as you can before, during, and after you leave to safeguard you from things, such as intentionally increased bills that are in your name or an abuser’s false claims of any wrongdoing on your part.
Our world as we know it has been flipped upside down. Being confined to small spaces in already tense relationships can only lead to emotionally heated situations or fights. If your relationship was abusive before the Stay-at-Home order, find ways to break free with the help of a loved one or a local organization. Your safety, physical wellness and mental health are and should always be your first priority.