Divorce cases tend to be an emotional and stressful time for all parties involved. Unfortunately, oftentimes it falls hardest on the children of the family. No matter the age, it can be difficult to process the idea of your family changing. It is important to be aware of this as things play out to minimize emotional trauma for children going through divorce.
What Is Emotional Trauma?
Emotional trauma can look different in every person. By definition, emotional trauma is the end result of events or experiences that leave us feeling deeply unsafe and often helpless. It can result from a single event or be part of an ongoing experience. Divorce is an event that has the power to shape someone’s life- that is why it is vital to take action before, during and after the papers are finalized. Signs of emotional trauma include, but are not limited to, the following:
- Shock, denial, or disbelief
- Confusion
- Anger, irritability, mood swings
- Anxiety and fear
- Self-blame
- Withdrawing from others
- Feeling sad or hopeless
- Feeling disconnected or numb
Talk It Out
Ensure your children are kept in the loop. Two-sided communication will be the most effective way to understand everyone’s feelings. If the relationship between spouses has been seriously broken for any reason, it is important to stay as neutral as possible. According to attorney Stephen Vertucci, “If there are legitimate issues with your ex, such as addiction or criminal activity, you should be honest in your answers but refrain from giving your personal opinions.”
Stay engaged in your children’s personal life. It may be a difficult time in your life, however do not let the divorce consume you. Keep in mind that you can not help anyone else before you help yourself. Ensure that you are keeping your mental health a priority. Make sure your family knows that you love them and that they are the most important thing in your life.
Seek Professional Help
There are two types of professionals that have the ability to help you through this process. The first being an attorney. If you choose to hire a lawyer it is crucial you know that they are on your side, and that you understand your expectations prior. This can be a financially draining process, so make sure to budget your expenses to help delegate stress.
Secondly, consider hiring a counselor or therapist for your family to process the huge change that is about to happen. There are many benefits to therapy, and in the case of divorce, it is helpful to have a third party to help work through any emotions or worries one may be feeling. If your child decides to shove their current feelings under the rug, it has the potential to shine through at a later time in life.
Move Forward
Construct a plan on how your new normal for your family will look. If possible, peacefully co-parenting with your spouse will allow your children to have the smoothest transition. Remember that every family works differently, and eventually you will get through it.