Whether you’re the one who filed for divorce or the one who the decision was sprung on, it can be devastating either way. A divorce signifies the end of what should have been a lifetime commitment of love, partnership and loyalty. Watching these things gradually or abruptly disappear can wreak havoc on a person’s self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. According to a divorce attorney, “With the mix of finances, emotions, and legalities, divorce is already a traumatic process for all parties involved.” In addition to protecting yourself legally, it’s also important to take care of your emotions. Here are 5 ways to protect and nurture your self-esteem through this emotionally trying time.
Talk to Competent People: Friends and family are great resources during a divorce, but they shouldn’t be your end-all, be-all when it comes to a support system. In fact, constantly talking to them about your divorce and challenges could ultimately end up alienating a few of them as they may not know how to comfort you or give you an unbiased opinion. Look for established support groups either in your area or online. There will be people going through a similar situation or a trained professional that can help you deal with the emotions and processes that come with divorce. A therapist is also a great idea if you find yourself dealing with overwhelming emotions that you can’t seem to manage on your own.
Set Strong Boundaries: Protect yourself from negativity that can affect you and your healing process. This may mean disconnecting from your ex on social media and people that they are closely associated with. Logging on and seeing pictures of them having the time of their life won’t help when you’re in a slump. Also, limit communication to legal matters or if it has to do with any children involved. Fights and rehashing the “would haves, could haves, and should haves” with your soon-to-be ex can be draining.
Prioritize Self-Care: While it’s normal to want to put others first to avoid dealing with what’s going on in your heart and your head, it’s important to take time for reflection and self-care. This can be something small. Invest in a journal and spend time writing about your feelings while enjoying a drink in your favorite coffee shop. Put your phone on silent and dive into a good book or binge your favorite TV show.Taking more time to relax and cultivate positive feelings can be a great way to boost your self-esteem during this difficult time.
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: No one in this entire world is happy every second of every day. It’s okay to have moments where you aren’t happy or feel that the world may be falling apart. So wallow in your bad feelings for a few minutes, maybe twenty at most. But then remind yourself that they are just feelings and that they are temporary. Ultimately, your perception is what you project but it doesn’t actually make it true. Self-growth podcasts and books are great tools to help you deal with negative feelings constructively.
Don’t Dive Right Into The Dating Pool: Regardless of how long your marriage lasted, jumping straight into another relationship is not going to make you feel better. You may experience a temporary high that comes with the excitement of a new relationship, but it’s ultimately equal to putting a band-aid on a bullet hole. Bringing a new person into your life while you’re still healing and processing feelings can not only hurt you in the long run, but hurt the innocent party you’re bringing into your life during this turbulent time.
No one ever truly wins in a divorce. There will always be a sense of hurt whether you’re on the filing or receiving end. Take the necessary steps to preserve your mental and emotional health during the divorce process to save yourself trouble in the long run.